The holiday break gave my daughter and I some time together on the couch. Agreeing what to watch together was a lot easier when she was 4, instead of 14. Then we watched Disney movies. Although by the time that period was over, I was pretty much princess-ed out.
Now we negotiate between teen romances, rom coms, and more romance. I’m not much for romance films, so it’s a struggle to find something we can watch together. Finally we settled on “Bad Moms.” I don’t need Hollywood to remind me I might be a bad mom (on a somewhat frequent basis), but it beat boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy and girl get back together. At least there’s some grain of truth in a movie called “Bad Moms.”
Except there wasn’t. This was about a bunch of over-achieving moms who make some modifications to their lives – like telling their teen kids to make their own breakfast – and then live happily ever after … with the widowed hunk with the adorable daughter. In a beautiful house. In a lovely school district filled with moms doing their kids’ science projects. And sending their kid to school with well-balanced lunches.
Oh, and they got drunk a couple of times – but only when the kids were safely in the care of others.
My daughter kept asking me why I wasn’t laughing. And all I could think was this movie was either written by a man or by a woman with nannies.
Because not once did any of these women open the refrigerator and see … NOTHING but condiments for dinner, a container of blueberry yogurt, and expired milk. Never did they have to announce it was an upside-down day – and serve pancakes for dinner made with the yogurt – and feel proud that yogurt counts as a protein, dairy and some fruit.
Never did any of these women have the principal call and say your daughter had shown her knickers to a group of boys on the school bus. And if she did it again … (But Mom, “they asked what kind of underpants I had on.”)
And none of these moms gave their kid Benadryl in the hopes they would fall asleep on a 3-hour airplane ride as a 2-year-old. Of course, this has the opposite effect when your kid as ADHD (see below).
None of these women didn’t realize their child was ADHD until the child’s uncle suggested you might want to get her tested … and then you find out she is both ADHD and on the autism spectrum … at age 12.
None of these women looked at their child and said, “Honey, I don’t know where mommy is going to live, but it’s all going to be OK” when going through a divorce.
And none of these women ever let their own kid pack her bag for spring break, and then get to grandma’s house in Florida and realize that:
- Nothing matches.
- Nothing fits.
But I have. And I’m sure a lot of other mothers have too – although maybe not the underpants thing. Although I was really happy she had some on because there was a time when she liked to go commando.
Now that she’s a teen, she’s more than happy to have me serve her pancakes for dinner, especially if they made with Nutella. But I’ve been working on bad mom thing and now try to keep at least a head of unwilted lettuce in the fridge (OK, not always successfully) so I can at least attempt to serve a salad.
Sometimes it’s a salad made with chicken tenders that I keep stashed in the freezer. But steak salad may be served up even faster if you have some sirloin on hand and slice it before cooking. By slicing it, you cut the cooking time down to about 5 minutes. If you have dressing on hand and a loaf of bread, you can rock and roll in about 15 minutes.
As for movies, may I suggest “Harry Potter.” his mom is a saint.